


Rediscovering You

by Kivea



Category: Digimon - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward sexual tensions, College AU, Humour, M/M, Mentions of Sex Toys, Romance, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 01:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10064636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kivea/pseuds/Kivea
Summary: Moving to a different country for University is a big step, and not one Izzy would be willing to do if he didn't already have friends there. But spending time constantly around his good friend has caused him to learn various things that he never knew before, about them both.





	

**Tizzy**  

The first day of college. The fresh air, the busy noise of students moving, the light creeping in to the room that had clearly not been used in a few months. It was pleasant. It surprised him really, honestly, to be enjoying it so much. The room wasn’t too big, though it would be two of them sharing it. His things were still mostly in boxes and suitcases scattered about the room, the first thing to be set up his computer. Other than that he really didn’t have much with him.  

Izzy laid back on the single bed, looking around at the room he would be staying in for the next year. It was perfect. Strange to be in such a foreign setting, he had not planned on attending an American university when he first started looking, but… 

His eyes wandered over to the empty half of the room with the empty bed and magnolia walls. The pulling factor that had convinced him to up and move to an entirely different country, just for university-and exciting business opportunities. The one who had taken a gap year abroad and ended up travelling the world. That was why he was here.  

Excitement started to bubble in his stomach as a smile pulled at his lips. One of his best friends, who he had barely spoken to in a whole year. He missed him.  

 _‘Tai, I can’t believe you had me carry this up the stairs! It’s so heavy!’_  

 _‘Hey, you said you’d help!’_  

 _‘I know but I didn’t mean I’d help this much.’_  

Izzy shot up as he heard the familiar bickering. He leapt off the bed to open the door for the pair.  

A young brunette girl was standing on the other side, dragging a rather large, bulky suitcase. She turned, eyes as bright and intelligent as ever, skin healthy with a tan that showed the holiday the family had decided to take over the summer. It hadn’t been long since they had seen each other, but the atmosphere was making him nostalgic and emotional.  

“Izzy!” she smiled brightly. “You’re here already!”  

“Hey, Kari! Get in the room already so I can see him!”  

She stuck her tongue out at the person following her before she began to drag the suitcase in properly. Izzy rushed to relieve her of it and she was quick to comply and go sit down on the empty bed. “Ugh! I can’t believe that boy, making me carry heavy things.”  

Izzy gave a soft smile, placing the suitcase at the bottom of the bed. “It really is a crime.”  

“It is. I agree wholeheartedly.”  

“Izzy!” the redhead spun round to face the voice in the doorway. “How long have you been here?”  

“I moved in earlier this morning. My flight arrived quite early, so I came straight here.”  

Tai moved into the room properly and allowed the door to shut, dropping the three bags he was carrying with a large grin. “It’s so great to see you. How’ve you been?”  

The grin was the same old grin, the bushy brown hair the same brown hair. The boy looked like he’d leaned out a bit, was really getting comfortable with his longer limbs. It was a refreshing sight. The biggest difference was the same as Kari’s – the brown glow.  

“I’ve been good! Really good. I-I started unpacking, I’ve tried to keep my things on my side of the room.”  

Tai snorted, cocking his hips with his hands on them. “Same old Izzy, huh?”  

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment.”  

“It is. I really am glad to see you. You’re looking great.”  

“Thanks, you too.”  

Kari made a long, drawn out sigh. “This is getting far too lame for me. I’m going to go help mum and dad with the rest of your stuff.”  

“Yeah, that’s right, get out my room,” Tai gave her a playful push as she passed him. “No girls allowed.”  

“How mature of the _college student_.”  

“No girls allowed!”  

The door shut, leaving the pair in silence.  

Before he could blink properly, he was engulfed in a tight embrace. The smell was the first thing he noticed. It was a little different to what he remembered, but it still had that strong musk of the outdoors and something that could only be described as _Tai_. He was still significantly taller, Izzy’s head only coming up to his chest scraping his shoulders, but in that moment the redhead didn’t mind. He was too warm and safe in this strange foreign place.  

“I missed you, Izzy. It’s been so weird to be away from all my friends.”  

“Whenever we spoke, it sounded like you were really enjoying it.”  

Tai finally let go. “I did! I really did, I’ve had the most amazing year. But I’m glad to have you back.”  

“Same old Tai, huh?”  

The brunette grinned. “Would you have me any other way?”  

Izzy opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the door bursting open. “Boys! You are going to have all year to catch up! Right now, we are trying to move all this stuff!”  

Izzy reacted instantly, rushing over to Tai’s mother to help her with the bags. The owner of the stuff too his sweet time about it.  

He had a good feeling about this year. A really, really good feeling. It was going to be brilliant.  

\-- 

He didn’t take into account sharing a room.  

As an only child who wasn’t the most sociable person on the planet, Izzy had never really spent prolonged periods with other people. Sure there were things like sleepovers, but there weren’t the same as actually sharing a room with people.  

On the second week, it was starting to take its toll.  

It was nothing against Tai, at all. He was perfectly lovely to spend time with. Izzy was fairly certain that if it had been anyone else, he wouldn’t be able to last this long. He was tapping away at the keyboard of his computer trying to work on something for a client but he kept getting interrupted by soft snores. At first it hadn’t seemed like a big deal, but after an hour it was beginning to grate on his brain.  

He typed. Tai would snore. He would grimace and his fingers would still. How was he supposed to work like this?  

He turned to glare at the other man, seeing long toes poking out from the bottom of the blanket. The desk lamp gave limited vision of the room, but he could see the lumps of where Tai was sleeping.  

The boy rolled over to face Izzy. He always woke up with the most ridiculous bed-head Izzy had ever seen.  

Before he knew it, he was resting his head on his arm, draped across the back of his chair, watching his friend. The way the whole cover seemed to move with each breath, the way the pale lips were parted ever so slightly, or how his fingers twitched every now and then. The tanned expanse of skin, the bushy brown hair, the glittering brown eyes-!  

Wait, what?  

“Are you still working?” the voice was horse and not quite there. Izzy felt his face begin to burn. “What time is it?”  

“Uhm. Two o’clock?”  

Tai rubbed his eyes, yawning widely. “Can’t you finish it in the morning?”  

“I don’t have much left to do.”  

“Yeah, but if you’d stopped at a reasonable time you would have.”  

Izzy huffed.  

Tai let out a small chuckle, giving the younger man a lazy smile. “Get off the computer you little shit, I want to actually wake up tomorrow.”  

“You were snoring.”  

“Is that why you were watching me?”  

Izzy tried to ignore the tone. “It was putting me off.”  

“Yeah, well your typing’s putting me off. Suck it up.”  

That was fair, he supposed. Perhaps the work should wait till the morning. He was feeling a little light headed, and every time he blinked he felt like his eyes were stinging.  

The boy in the bed started to shuffle and move around. Izzy looked up to find him walking over to the computer desk.  

“What are you working on anyway?”  

“I thought you were sleeping!”  

“I’m awake now. I might as well bother you.”  

Izzy curled up on himself as Tai placed one hand on the back of his chair, one on the desk. The sheer presence that he seemed to give off always made Izzy feel like he was being encompassed.  

“I’m just doing work for a client. You know, the usual. Programming and stuff.”  

“That sounds horrendously boring.”  

“For you, maybe.”  

“Show me what you’re doing then.”  

Izzy looked up with hesitation. He didn’t know what it was but the situation was making him increasingly nervous. Tai glanced down, waiting a few moments, before a lopsided smile began to form.  

Izzy snapped back to the computer. He began to talk through the work he was doing, trying to be as basic as he could. He couldn’t help but get a little caught up in the jargon as he continued and completely forgot who he was talking to. Tai wasn’t an idiot. He’d be able to keep up, right?  

“Izzy, it’s quarter past two. I think it’s bedtime.”  

His mind shot back to the image of Tai sleeping. “Yeah, I suppose. I am a little tired.”  

Tai guided his hand to the mouse, exiting the program and closing down the computer. “If you can get up early enough, you’ll be able to finish this before class.”  

Izzy stood, allowing himself to be lead towards his bed. He yawned widely, scowling as Tai started to chuckle low. “What’re you laughing at?”  

“You’re just really cute when you’re tired.”  

Izzy snorted. “Wow. Thanks.”  

“Do you want me to tuck you in?”  

He snatched back his hand. “I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself, thanks.”  

Tai gave one of his usual charming smiles, returning to his own bed. “Alright then, Princess. Sleep well.”  

Izzy crawled under the covers, thankful for the softness. “I should’ve applied to have my own room.”  

“You kidding? What would you do without me?”  

“I’d do my work.”  

“You’d stay up so late you slept through your classes, you mean.”  

Izzy buried his head under the covers. “Thank you.”  

He was met with silence, but it took him only a few more moments until he was asleep.  

\-- 

It was about a month before he could actually safely say that he was comfortable sharing a room. Their sleeping patterns seemed to adjust round each other, he went to bed earlier and Tai seemed to go to bed a little later. Their eating times began to sync up, he slowly began to learn when Tai would be in classes and when he would be home.  

It was kind of unsettling when he thought about it, to begin to know someone else’s schedule so well. But he supposed it wasn’t too surprising realistically.  

“I invited someone round,” Tai spoke with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Someone I thought you’d appreciate seeing.”  

Izzy frowned running through a list of names. Did he know anyone in America? “Who?”  

They sat outside the dorms, enjoying the nice weather while it lasted. September was coming to an end, and soon the leaves would fall and the temperature would with them. They were watching some of Tai’s friends playing soccer across the field. Izzy had been surprised he hadn’t gone to join them.  

“Mimi.”  

The redhead spluttered, dropping his phone. “Mimi?!”  

“Yeah, seeing as she’s on a break from filming. I suggested she came over to say hello.”  

It had been a long while since Izzy had seen the girl face-to-face. “Mimi. Okay.”  

Tai’s face fell slightly, something akin to suspicion crossing. “You don’t…still like her a bit, do you?”  

“No. God no-I just completely forgot she's now so close.”  

“I’m going to tell her you said that.”  

“Please don’t.”  

Tai chuckled, relaxing back into the chair. Izzy hadn’t noticed him get so tense. “That’s alright then at least. That you don’t still like her,” he faltered and scratched the back of his neck. “You know. Cause otherwise it might get awkward.”  

“Of course. I understand.”  

Tai cleared his throat and stood. Izzy felt his brain beginning to turn as he took in how awkward the boy looked; not quite staring him in the eyes, constantly shuffling his feet about, lost as to what to do with his arms. What was it about the situation that had caused him to get so…nervous?  

“I’m going to go head over and play I think. Got to loosen up those muscles and all!”  

Izzy tried to chose his words carefully. “I honestly don’t have feelings for her, Tai. You don’t need to worry.”  

“Yeah man, that’s fine.”  

“Are you alright?”  

His tan darkened. “Of course!”  

He was going to call him out. Say something about it. But maybe it wasn’t his place. Maybe Tai just wasn’t comfortable talking to him about whatever it was. “Okay. If you’re sure.”  

“Don’t worry. I’ll catch you later, yeah?”  

“Yeah.”  

He watched the boy jog over to where his friends were and join in. Izzy remained where he was, sat under the shade of a tree watching the soccer game. He tried to bury his curiosity. If Tai didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t have to.  

He picked up his phone and searched through his contacts for a number, composing a text to send.  

 _I heard you’re coming to visit us._  

He couldn’t help himself. He was just too curious. He needed to know. He hated not knowing things.  

She responded quickly, as bubbly as ever. The bright name of ‘Mimi’ flashed on his screen.  

 _Yeah!! :D I’m looking forward to it!! R u enjoying college?_  

How did he fish information out without being obvious? His fingers worked quickly across the screen.  

 _I am, it’s been good. It’s been nice hanging out with Tai again._  

He bit down on his lip, tapping his foot absentmindedly as he waited.  

 _Haha_ _! He’s done nothing but talk about it 4 ages! I’m glad u 2 are getting on <3 <3 How’d you like America? _ 

 _It’s good. I’m getting used to it. Very different._  

 _I_ _k_ _no_ _!! I love it_ _soooo_ _much <3 <3 <3 _ 

It didn’t help that he didn’t even know what he was fishing for. All he knew was it was something about Mimi visiting that had set Tai off.  

 _Do you guys hang out often?_  

 _When we’re not busy lol. We both get about. It’s nice having a familiar face :D_  

That didn’t give too much away.  

 _Is_ _somthin_ _bothering u??_  

He jolted. _Why?_  

He felt his heart speed up as he waited.  

 _No reason, u just don’t usually ask so many questions!_  

Damn. She’d caught him. Time to play it off cool. He wasn’t about to tell her what their conversation had been.  

 _I got 2 go back to work!! I’ll talk 2 u l8er, yeah? Xxx_  

Phew. Dodged a bullet.  

 _Sure thing, see you soon._  

He looked back up to see Tai still playing, deciding that maybe he could just sit and watch for a while. He didn’t have anywhere particularly important to be.  

\-- 

Tai had agreed to go and collect Mimi after his classes that day, leaving Izzy to make sure that the room actually was presentable. It was taking a little while, but so far he’d managed to keep things in check. It had been a month and a bit, by now he hoped he knew where everything was supposed to go.  

He finished making his bed, before turning to Tai’s side of the room and letting out a frustrated sigh. He couldn’t clean his own bloody stuff up.  

Izzy began to shove things in places as quickly as he could, not really wanting to actually fully clean up after his roommate, but unable to help himself wanting to make sure Mimi had somewhere nice to visit.  

He was shuffling round Tai's bed sheets and putting his pjs under his pillow when he found it. It rolled from under the pillow, landing on the floor and stopping at the edge of his own bed. He picked it up, trying to figure out what on _earth_ had fallen. It took him a few moments to realise what it was. 

 _“I’m so happy to visit! Thanks for meeting me and bringing me over.”_  

 _“No worries, Mimi. Thanks for coming round.”_  

Izzy looked up in panic, offending object still in his hands. Did he put it back? The door was about to open.  

He heard the footsteps close in and the doorknob wiggle. He panicked and turned to the closest hiding place: his bag.  

“Welcome to our room!”  

Mimi stepped in, looking as maintained and perfectly pretty as ever. Her brown eyes shone with excitement as they scanned the room, a slim hand rising to tuck the blonde-tinted-pink hair behind her ear.  

“You guys have done pretty well at keeping this place nice!”  

“Thanks, Izzy’s the one who tidied it last.”  

Mimi giggled, moving in properly and taking a seat on the redhead’s bed. “Are you letting this lump push you around, Iz-!” she took a proper look at him, worry crossing her face. “Izzy? Are you alright?”  

He did a double take, glancing between the pair. Tai was looking pretty concerned also. He realised he’d been standing directly in front of his bag, stiff as a board, quiet as a mouse.  

“What? Yeah, yeah I’m fine! I’m just happy to see you!”  

She smiled, sticking out her tongue and moving over to hug him. He stepped forward quickly to make sure she didn’t get too close to _it_.  

“I’m happy to see you too, Izzy! It’s been so long!” she pulled back after a few moment, giving a brilliant smile. “We’ll have to go out! Where would you want to go? Oh! Are there any cute cafes round here? What, with it being a student place and everything.”  

Tai nodded, standing with his arms folded hanging back by the door. He was doing that strange thing again.  

Mimi took a step back from Izzy, looking between the pair for a moment. He couldn’t figure out what she was trying to figure out.  

“I’m just going to go powder my nose. I’ve had a long flight. I’ll let you two get rid of any awkwardness for when I come back out so you can dote on me, kay?” she winked at Tai and wiggled her fingers. “Be right back.”  

Izzy felt his stomach churn.  

The girl shut the door to the bathroom, leaving the boys alone. Tai moved in the same time that Izzy moved away.  

“When you said to me the other day, that you didn’t like her, were you lying?”  

Izzy spluttered at the question. “No! What makes you think that, of all things?”  

“You were bright red and panicky, what else would I think?”  

The redhead rolled his eyes, trying to play it off. “What about you?”  

“What about me?”  

“You’re getting just as awkward. Maybe you’re the one with the little crush.”  

He’d never seen anyone go so pink so quickly. “I do _not_!”  

Izzy stopped, raising his brows. The wink, the wiggle of the fingers. They certainly had plenty of time together to get close from the sounds of things.  

“I don’t!”  

“It’s okay, Tai. There’s no hard feelings if you do. I’m long over it, honestly. Is that why you asked?”  

Tai flailed his arms, letting out a frustrated huff. “You’re not listening!”  

“I am, I just don’t believe you.”  

“Wow. Thanks.”  

“You’re welcome.”  

Tai shut his eyes and sucked in a long breath, exhaling through his mouth. He had surprisingly pink lips. “Izzy, I’m going to say this once, and I want no fuss, understand?”  

“I’m not going to believe you if you deny it again.”  

“I’m gay.”  

There was a moment of silence.  

“Izzy?”  

“That’s a strong statement to get out of an accusation.”  

“Sometimes talking to you is like trying to beat myself to death with a pillow.”  

“No, talking to me you can do, it’s convincing me of things you’re failing at.”  

Tai fell to his bed in defeat, looking up at Izzy with big puppy dog eyes. “Please, believe me?”  

“What about Sora?”  

“What?”  

“You know. If you’re gay, what was that thing with Sora and… _Matt_?!”  

The pink hue returned and Tai leapt up, covering Izzy’s mouth with his hand. “Mimi doesn’t _know that bit_.”  

Izzy was hyper aware of how close he was. Was it because of the confession?  

“Do you at least understand now?”  

Izzy nodded slowly.  

Tai let out a sigh and pulled back, returning to sitting on his bed. “Okay. That was easier than I thought it would be.”  

“What, were you worried?”  

“Well…a little bit, I guess.”  

Izzy frowned, recovering from the momentary shock enough to feel slightly offended. “Why?”  

“You never know how it’s going to go,” Tai explained, rubbing the back of his neck. “If that makes sense.”  

“Who else knows?”  

“Mimi. Kari. My parents. It’s something I’ve only really…come to terms with since leaving Japan.”  

Izzy wasn’t sure how he felt about Mimi knowing before he did. When they were younger and in school together, he kind of thought that he and Tai were closest.  

“Is it…is it okay? Does it bother you?”  

“No! No, it doesn’t, it just…it makes sense, why Mimi knew first, but…”  

Realisation crossed Tai’s face and the brunette softened. “I’m sorry. I mean, it’s terrifying telling people, especially when you have to share a room with them, but I’m sorry.”  

The door reopened, and a slim blonde girl poked her head round the corner. “Are you guys finished?”  

“Were you not listening in?”  

“Yeah, but it would be rude not to pretend I wasn’t.”  

Izzy couldn’t help but laugh; feeling like the pair might start bickering. “Okay, okay. Shall we go somewhere to get food?”  

The pair gave toothy smiles at his suggestion.  

It wasn’t until later that evening when they were hugging Mimi goodbye as she got ready to head back to where she was filming that the conversation was so much as mentioned again.  

“Oh, and Tai?”  

“Yeah?”  

“I do know the bit about _Matt_ ,” she fluttered her eyelashes playfully. “It doesn’t take the boy genius to figure that one out. Ciao!”  

The look on his face as she skipped away was priceless.  

\-- 

He would be lying if he said nothing changed. It did. He wished it didn’t, wished that it continued as normal except they were better friends because they shared things and now they could be besties sharing a room and getting high like all the other roommates, but that’s not what happened.  

He couldn’t put a finger on it, but _something_ changed. Maybe it was just having that knowledge in the back of his head constantly had shifted things.  

But even the way that it had changed he couldn’t say exactly.  

“Hey! Tai! Izzy! We’re ordering pizza in tonight, and having a sleepover.” the girl next door grinned down the hallway, beckoning them. “Would you like to join us?”  

Tai laughed whole heartedly at the offer, but shook his head. “I’m good; I think I’d like a quiet night in honestly.”  

“Oh, you poop!”  

“Hey, I partied with you last night. Give a guy a break.”  

She turned her green eyes to Izzy. “What about you, Mr Quiet-guy? You want to come have some fun.”  

Izzy inwardly cringed. He was fairly certain he didn’t know what ‘fun’ entailed but he was confident it would be less fun than gauging his own eyeballs out with forks. “I’m good, thanks anyway.”  

There was a voice from inside the room, and the girl gave a mischievous smirk. “Neither of them, they’re having a _quiet night in_.”  

Tai put a hand on the small of Izzy’s back and encouraged him into the room. “Good night, Georgia.” 

“We’ll try not to disturb you too much, if you promise to be quiet too!”  

He shut the door behind him and shut out the sound of giggling women, rolling his eyes and shrugging off the words. “Girls, am I right?”  

“What on earth were they talking about?” 

The response he received was to have his red hair ruffled as Tai shot him a wink. “You’re oddly adorable, you know that?”  

“I take offense to that.”  

“Just remember to have your earplugs in tonight. I have a feeling next door is going to get pretty loud.”  

“What’s so great about their parties?”  

“Have you not been to one yet?”  

Izzy rolled his eyes. “You know I haven’t. You’re the one who goes to the parties.”  

“Next time I’m going to drag you with me.”  

“Please don’t.”  

“It’ll be great fun.”  

“I’m going to have to disagree.”  

Tai practically whined. “You haven’t even _been_ yet! One chance, I promise. And if not, then we’ll do something else.”  

Izzy frowned. “You promised me we were going to watch films tonight.”  

“I don’t mean tonight, I mean next time! Tonight we are watching films. What films are we watching?”  

Izzy hid his smirk quite well. “I’ve heard Hostel two is very entertaining.”  

Tai glared fiercely. “Why do you do this to me?”  

“My turn to pick. I pick Hostel two.”  

“Fine. You’re getting it set up though.”  

“I wouldn’t trust you to step within the safety zone of my computer.”  

Tai smirked. “I’ll just go slip into your bed and wait for your then, shall I?”  

Izzy forced his heart rate to remain calm. There was nothing suspicious about that sentence. “Lazy as always.”  

“Don’t I know it?”  

The brunette moved to the bed. Izzy let out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding.  

“Come on then, get it on and get it over with.”  

He moved quickly, setting the movie up and grabbing a bag of popcorn and a bottle of coke. By the time he’d finished faffing and delaying, his heart had calmed down and he was feeling much more relaxed. A good tortuous horror should do the trick at keeping any strange feelings down.  

He sat down on the bed. Tai put an arm round his shoulder. They had done it the same for all the other days. But Izzy was so hyper aware of it now. Of how soft it was, how the warmth seemed to seep from him. The way his whole body seemed to move as he stretched across to steal popcorn from Izzy’s lap.  

It made it hard to focus on the film, especially with how twitchy Tai got during horrors.  

“Shitballs, they’re going to-!”  

Izzy smirked. “Some people believe bathing in blood of young women is the key to remaining young yourself.”  

“No bless her little cotton socks I liked her she deserved happiness.”  

Izzy began to chuckle. “You’re such a softie.”  

“And you’re a heartless monster.”  

“Calm down, it’s only a film. Though I did like her.”  

Tai peaked at him through his fingers. “She reminded me of you.”  

“I’m not sure if I should be pleased about that. I’m not some hippie.”  

“No, but you have that whole sweet and innocent lamb thing going on that makes me want to protect you.”  

Izzy scowled. “I’m offended.”  

“It’s not a bad thing! If you used it, I bet you could get all sorts of favours?”  

“Are you telling me I should abuse your need to _protect me_ for my own gain?”  

Tai paused.  

The redhead turned back to the film, feeling the thrill rush through him. “I’ll keep that in mind.”  

The pair continued to watch the film, mostly in silence.  

They ended up having to watch at least two more, seeing as they couldn’t sleep over the sound of next door.  

\-- 

It took about another month of this before Izzy realised exactly what had changed, and when he did he really, really wished he hadn’t. It dawned on him one morning after another of their movie binge sessions, waking to an uncomfortable feeling of stiffness and warmth. Too much warmth. They had fallen asleep on his bed together, and Tai was very much like a radiator.  

But when the fog of sleep lifted and he got a proper look at the sleeping man, that was when he realised. The thick lashes, the bushy hair, the lips that he lingered on for a moment too long, the exposed neck…  

He had a crush on his roommate.  

It was like one of Mimi’s movies. Except happening to him. So ten times worse than Mimi’s movies.  

It was kind of ironic when he thought about it. That Tai had thought he had a crush on Mimi, when all this time it was that he was slowly developing feelings for the boy.  

Now all he had to do was bury them deep inside a box in his brain and burn it.  

He turned to the one thing that he knew rarely failed him. The internet.  

For him it wasn’t just that he was developing feelings for the man that he had to struggle with. He hadn’t ever really _had_ feelings for another man before. He hadn’t really had feelings for many people, Mimi was a rare exception when they were teenagers, but other than that his interests in other people ranged from friendship to reluctant acquaintances.  

So now what was he supposed to do?  

The internet was more helpful with practical questions than emotional ones he discovered very quickly. Answers ranged from ‘how to get the boy’ to ‘how to relieve the lust’, equally as helpful and by that he meant not at all.  

Yet still he managed to find himself staring at his bag in the corner more each passing second. Tai was at class. And it had been a while since he spent some quality time with himself. Perhaps that was what he needed. To just…relieve some pent up emotions.  

He couldn’t deny that part of his attraction to Tai came from the fact that while he was a wonderful human being, he also was pretty hot. Sharing a room with someone you found visually appealing was bound to end up with some pent up emotions, right?  

He opened his bag to reveal the object. There it was, looking up at him, the thing that he had stowed away and never quite figured out how to return. The toy.  

Was there something wrong about doing this with something that belonged to someone else? It was probably used, given where he found it.  

That thought only fuelled his desires. That it was used, by the person of his affections. It made him feel a little creepy and gross, but at the same time… 

Ten minutes later he found creepy and gross were no match for _ecstasy and hormones_.  

Toys were never something that he invested in. Why did you need to buy something that you could to perfectly well with your own hand? But there were some things that he had never thought of doing with his own hands that the toy was very conveniently shaped for. Like a peg to a hole.  

“I’m ho- _oh shit_!”  

Izzy jumped out his skin, eyes widening and his mood dropping completely. He grabbed a pillow, using it to cover his lower half,  eternally thankful that he didn’t remove his shirt.  

“Tai?! You’re supposed to be in class!”  

The brunette had his arms over his eyes, back pressed against the door. “I’m so sorry! I got out early!”  

“Fucking hell I can’t believe this is happening.”  

The brunette began to feel the wall, moving in the direction of what Izzy assumed was towards the bathroom. “I didn’t see much.”  

Izzy felt his cheeks burn. “Much? What’s that meant to mean?!”  

“Well, you know, I got a pretty good look but I shut my eyes really fast.”  

“What the fuck.”  

“I phrased that really badly.”  

Izzy sighed, trying to hide his embarrassment. “I’m covered. You can open your eyes to go to the bathroom.”  

Tai lowered his arm, peaking over the top. Izzy refused to look at him directly.  

“You’re pretty cute-!”  

“ _Bathroom_.”  

“Alright, alright!” Tai disappeared, shutting the door as the sound of the ventilation fan whirred.  

Izzy winced as the toy made a horrendous popping sound as he removed it, before he scrambled to his feet and put on some trousers to try cling to the last of his dignity. Not that it sounded like there was much Tai didn’t get from that encounter.  

He knocked on the bathroom door with the toy behind his back. The brunette poked his head round.  

“May we swap so I can clean up?”  

“Oh! Yeah, sure, go ahead.”  

“Thank you.”  

They swapped places. Izzy let out a breath of relief before he began to thoroughly wash the toy and his hands. He stepped out with his head held high and headed towards his bed. He dropped the item on the floor between him and Tai, who was sat on his own bed. He couldn’t believe this. It really was like one of Mimi’s movies. This was worse than he thought.  

The pair sat in silence. Izzy could barely breathe. He was dressed very haphazardly, unsure exactly what to do in this situation. At all. Other than hope the ground did in fact swallow him whole. Or, better yet, he simply spontaneously combust.  

“So,” the tone of Tai’s voice made him want to figuratively vomit. “You like-!” 

“Don’t even say it.”  

The brunette sniggered. “It’s not too embarrassing. Everyone does it.”  

“Oh my goodness.”  

“I mean, at least now I know what happened to that toy.”  

Izzy thought if anymore blood rushed to his head there’d be nothing for the rest of his body. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears. “I am so, so sorry.”  

“I’m not going to lie, it’s a little weird.”  

Izzy dared to look up. Tai’s face held nothing but sympathy, affection, and amusement. A lot of amusement. “I thought you said it’s not embarrassing.”  

“Using one of your mate’s _used_ toys is though.”  

“One day you’re not going to wake up. I’ll have smothered you with a pillow.”  

Tai grinned wide and Izzy felt like he’d fell into a trap. “Not choke me with the-!”  

Images flashed in his mind. “Don’t even fucking finish that sentence.”  

“Now he’s swearing! I’m clearly a bad influence on you.”  

Izzy groaned in pain.  

“That jab’s just too easy.”  

“I hate you so much.”  

Tai chuckled lightly. Izzy sighed and looked down at the offending object on the floor between them.  

“So…” the redhead cringed at his own words, his neck disappearing into his shoulders. “Do you want it…back?”  

“I got a new one. I’ll let you keep that one,” Tai winked. “I wouldn’t want to take it away when you were enjoying it so much.”  

 _He was going to die._  

\-- 

Mimi pounced as soon as she realised what was happening. She was staying for a whole weekend, and had been in the room with them for approximately an hour. Tai stood up to use the bathroom, and she was on him like a tiger.  

“How long?!”  

“Wha-what?”  

“How long have you two been…” she paused for dramatic effect, her eyes widening. “ _D-a-t-_ _i_ _-n-g_?”  

He went red enough to match his hair. “We are not!”  

“Ha. Good joke. No really, how long?”  

“No really,” he emphasised. “We’re not.”  

She narrowed her eyes, trying to read his sincerity. “Okay. But you’d _like_ to be?”  

“That’s going a bit overboard I mean-!”  

“I knew Tai was gay, but I always assumed you were just attracted to computers.”  

He snorted with a glare. “Thanks.”  

“It’s true! And it’s your own fault. So, you and-!”  

The bathroom door opened and Tai emerged, causing the pair to fall into silence. He seemed completely oblivious, and Mimi was pretty good at playing things off as nothing.  

“Where do you want to go for dinner then? Or do you want to eat in?”  

Mimi scrunched her nose up. “Eat out. The less time I spend in smelly boy rooms the better.”  

“Hey, you’re going to be sleeping in this smelly boy room later,” Tai jabbed, knocking her with his elbow.  

“Do I get your bed, Tai?” she sang. He rolled his eyes and nodded. “Yippie!”  

“You brought the sleeping bag for me to borrow, right?”  

She smiled sweetly. “Nope!”  

“What?!” he scowled. “Why not?”  

“I forgot! Besides, it’s fine. Just share with Izzy.” 

Izzy froze. That sneaky, conniving little-!  

“Mimi, I’m not going to make the poor boy share his bed with me. They’re already small enough as it is. I’m the tallest one here, I shouldn’t be sharing!”  

“I’m the girl. I can’t share with a _boy_.”  

Tai hesitated, glancing towards Izzy. He looked almost…fearful?  

“Izzy might not _want_ to share with _me_ , Mimi. The same way you wouldn’t share with a _boy_.”  

The sweet, innocent smile didn’t leave her face. “Izzy, sweetie, do you mind sharing a bed with Tai, even though he’s gay?”  

Low blow, you cheeky bitch. “No, of course I don’t.”  

“That was cruel, of course he can’t say no to that.”  

Izzy accepted his fate. She wasn’t going to let go. “It’s okay, Tai. I honestly don’t mind. It’ll be like sleepovers when we were younger. Except more cosy.”  

“Are you sure?”  

“I am, honestly,” Nope. “I don’t mind at all.” Not okay with this. “It’ll be fun!” for _evil women maybe_. 

“Thanks, buddy. It means a lot.”  

Right in the gut.  

“Come on then, boys! Let’s go _party_!”  

“Wait, what?”  

Tai grinned down at Izzy. “You didn’t think we were going to do nothing with our evening, did you?”  

“Murder me.”  

If only they were so kind.  

Instead he found himself in the midst of what he thought was a club. The floor was sticky and the music was so loud that he could feel through his feet and into his chest. He was entirely uncertain of how to feel about it all.  

“Here,” Tai handed him a cup. “Have a drink.”  

“Delightful,” Izzy looked up at him. “Why are we here again?”  

“To have fun!”  

“Where’s Mimi gone?”  

Tai gestured with his cup, an affectionate smile on his face. Izzy followed, seeing Mimi in the crowd of bodies moving and jumping, her hands high in the air as she laughed with the music.  

Why wasn’t he surprised?  

The taller man began to drink, and Izzy followed to be polite. He grimaced as it went down the back of his throat. Maybe the reason why the floor was so sticky was because people didn’t like their drinks, so they simply poured them on the floor. Maybe he would do that.  

“What are you doing?”  

Damn, foiled again. “Nothing! How’re you?”  

Tai’s eyes glistened with the colours of the lights. “I’m good. How’re you?”  

“I’m fine, thanks. Lovely drink.”  

“Uh huh,” that lopsided smirk said he didn’t agree. “You’re welcome.”  

“So, uh,” he rubbed a sweaty palm on his trouser leg. “What do we do now?”  

“We could dance, we could go find somewhere to sit, there’s a lovely outdoor smoking area upstairs we could sit in. We could drink shots?”  

“I know you want to get me drunk, but that might be something for another time.”  

“Darn you, I was so close!”  

“You couldn’t have been further away.”  

“Hey, I got a drink in your hands and down your throat. That is a step closer than I have been so far this term.”  

He was tempted to just pour it on the floor regardless of the fact he’d been caught. “No to shots.”  

“Okay. How about dancing?”  

“No thank you.”  

“Sitting down somewhere?”  

“Better.”  

“Outdoors with the smokers?”  

Izzy bit his lip, not wanting to ruin the fun.  

“That’s a yes if I ever saw one, come on then. Let’s go get some fresh air.”  

“You don’t have to come with me, if you want to dance with Mimi.”  

Tai looked over at the girl. Izzy followed his gaze. Wow she was not going to be dancing with Tai.  

“Come on! Upstairs with the cancer awaits!”  

The night moved quickly, despite the fact that nothing of note really seemed to happen. They spent much of their time upstairs, Izzy very, _very_ slowly making his way through the drink, chatting and cracking jokes and speaking to others that happened to be up there. It was a surprisingly social atmosphere.  

He enjoyed it a lot more than he thought he would.  

By the time they got home it was well into the morning. Tai was carrying Mimi on his back and Izzy had her shoes in his hands. It may have been the chill night air or the drinks that Tai had given him, but he was feeling light and bubbly, with just a touch of sleepiness.  

Tai laid Mimi down on his bed, tucking her in and biting his lip from laughing. “She’s going to get makeup all over my pillow and her face. It’ll be hilarious.”  

Izzy placed her shoes at the bottom of Tai’s bed, swaying slightly as he stood up too fast. The taller boy had hold of his shoulders to steady him.  

“You alright there dude?”  

“Yeah, I’m fine; I’m just a little light headed.”  

“You mean a little light weight.”  

“Very funny, ha, ha.”  

Tai chuckled. It felt like it was right in his ear. It sent shivers down his spine. “Let’s get you to bed before you fall over.”  

He allowed himself to be guided and recalled the first time that Tai had done this with him. He hoped that having the older boy lead him to bed wasn’t going to become a frequent occurrence. He wouldn’t want to hassle him that way. He was an adult and perfectly capable of making his own decisions.  

“Comfy?”  

“Aren’t you getting in?”  

Tai looked uncertain. “It’s alright, I’ll sleep on the floor. We have spare pillows.”  

“Won’t you get cold?”  

“I’m pretty tough!” he flexed his muscles to prove the point.  

Izzy spoke before he thought for once. “Do I make you uncomfortable?”  

Tai hesitated. “What? Where did that come from?”  

“Is that why you don’t want to share the bed?”  

He was met with silence in the dark. After a few breaths, the bed dropped on one side as the other man sat down, shuffling about. Izzy felt him lie down, their bare feet brushing. It sent sparks through him and his toes curled.  

“Thanks,” Tai’s voice was small, quiet. Full of gratitude. “Do you have enough cover?”  

“Yes. Do you?”  

“Yeah. I do.”  

Izzy felt himself relax and yet his heart sped up all at once.  

“Good night, Izzy.”  

“Sleep well, Tai.”  

\-- 

He woke to the sound of the shower, and a cold bed. He turned to see Mimi still sleeping soundly, He shut his eyes with reluctance to wake up and face the day.  

There was a gentle humming, the sound of water hitting porcelain.  

He’d slept so well, considering. He felt a little on the ill side but he imagined that was to be expected. Most people complained about hangovers and the feeling that the affects of alcohol left. The dehydration.  

The squeaky sound of someone’s feet against the shower.  

Izzy continued to try block it out with meaningless pondering, but he couldn’t. The sounds of his roommate in the next room were filling his ears, the smell of shower gel tickling his nose. The playful smile, the brown locks, the tanned skin.  

He wondered if it was as soft as it looked, what it was like with running water decorating it. 

He pushed himself into a sitting position, glancing around the room. His jeans, and a pair of shoes. That was all he needed.  

He left in a hurry, though the sounds followed him in his brain. Brown eyes that danced in the light and fingers that held his shoulder tightly. His imagination was running away with him, he felt dirty. These sorts of thoughts were not ones you should be having while your friend was innocently trying to take a shower.  

How that voice would sound if-!  

He pulled at his hair and stopped in his tracks, trying to wake himself up. He needed to stop. This was going to become a problem.  

He wasn’t sure how long he was stood out there, staring at the sky. It was a perfectly pleasant autumn day, slightly chilly given that he hadn’t stopped to grab a jacket, but the cold was welcome. It kept him sane.  

“Izzy?”  

He spun round. The object of his thoughts was there.  

“You forgot your keys! Where are you even going?”  

“I just,” he faltered. “I needed some fresh air.”  

“Are you okay? You look…upset.”  

Izzy couldn’t answer that honestly.  

“You never forget your keys. Ever.”  

“I know.”  

Tai stepped forward with a pleading look in his eyes, holding the keys out. “I’m here, if you need anything. If you want to talk. Please, you’re one of my closest friends.”  

Izzy looked up into the depths of those brown eyes. It was going to kill him.  

He sighed. Tai perked up.  

“I’m just…struggling. With some things,” Izzy looked back towards the sky. “Feelings.”  

“Your one weakness.”  

“I know,” Izzy smirked. “If only I really was a robot.”  

“But then who would keep me warm in bed at night, buttercup?”  

Izzy cleared his throat, though he did laugh. “Do you want to know?”  

“Yes, keep going.”  

“Well, it’s just, feelings, you know? And-like-!” he sighed again. What even were words? “I don’t know how to cope with the feelings.”  

“What feelings are they? Is this about-!”  

“If you say Mimi I’m going to punch you in the face.”  

“I think you’re a bit too short.”  

He paused. Perhaps it sort of was about Mimi, in a very loose sense. “Feelings towards boys that I usually have towards girls.”  

Tai blinked dumbly.  

“You know. You should get this, you’re gay, right?”  

“You’re telling me you like boys and girls?”  

“Yeah. I guess.”  

“So you’re like…bisexual?”  

“Is that what it is?”  

Tai chuckled. “Don’t play dumb. You at least know what it means.”  

“I do. I just never really…” he shrugged lightly. “I suppose I am then.”  

“Welcome to the Queer Club.”  

“Thanks. I’m honoured.”  

Tai shuffled uncomfortably. “I hate to break the mood but I’m freezing my balls off here.”  

Izzy looked the boy up and down. He was in boxers and a hoodie. “You’re the one who didn’t put trousers on.”  

“I was worried.”  

“You warm the cockles of my heart.”  

“Yes, achieved status of ‘finally being in Izzy’s heart’!”  

Izzy laughed but held back the words of _you have no idea_.  

\-- 

“Where are we going again?”  

“A bar. It’ll be great.”  

Mimi giggled from her spot on Tai’s left. She was dolled up and ready to paint the town. They walked through the streets together, heading deeper into the town. It was beginning to unsettle him. As they continued, the people around them changed. Izzy wasn’t a fool. He managed to figure it out from all the colours, specifically the rainbow flags in the windows of clubs.  

“Are we going to a gay bar?”  

Tai grinned nervously. “I thought maybe…it would help?”  

Izzy was sort of touched. “Thanks.”  

“I am excited!” Mimi sang. “Gay bars play brilliant music.”  

“We’re going to a bar, not a club, Mimi.”  

“I know, but they still play music! I just won’t be tearing up the dance floor quite yet.”  

Izzy shuffled awkwardly. “I’ve never been to one before.”  

“It’s the same as a normal bar,” Tai reassured. “It’s nothing to be frightened of.”  

“I’m not frightened, it’ll just be different.”  

Mimi winked. “You might get cute boys hitting on you.”  

“You’re not funny, Mimi.”  

Tai laughed. “You never know. It could happen.”  

The most surprising part? It did.  

He was on the way back from the toilets, crossing over to where Mimi and Tai were hogging a booth, when he bumped into a man who was quite a bit bigger than he was. Well built, reasonably handsome. Confidence about him that Izzy supposed some would find attractive, but it was an confidence that Izzy related too much to arrogance.  

“Sorry,” he excused. “My bad.”  

“No, don’t worry about it, I should apologise. How about I buy you a drink?”  

He wasn’t sure what to think at first. “Excuse me?”  

“A drink?” the man gave him a dashing smile. “You do drink, don’t you?”  

“Of course. Everyone drinks.”  

“What do you drink?”  

He glanced over to where Mimi and Tai were. She was pointing at him, giving a tiny wave as he looked. “Uh, I usually just have whatever my friend gives me.”  

The man followed his eyes, before turning back. “How about I get you something special then?”  

“No thank you, I’m fine. I should be getting back.”  

“Please, let me apologise properly. I won’t be able to settle if I don’t.”  

He shuffled awkwardly. He really didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t used to interacting with strangers in this manner. “I suppose one drink wouldn’t hurt. I suppose. I don’t like strong drinks though.”  

The man put an arm round his shoulders, turning to face the bar. “Thank you. I’ll be able enjoy my night happily knowing I got to buy such a handsome boy a drink.”  

“Ex-excuse me?!”  

He laughed. “Don’t tell me you’ve not heard that before?”  

“I’m really not sure about this.”  

“Don’t change your mind on me now.”  

Something was leaving an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach. “My friend is visiting only for the weekend before she leaves. I really ought to go back to her.”  

He tried to pull away. The man had hold of his hand.  

“At least tell me your name.”  

Izzy tried to pull his hand away, the same time that hands grasped his shoulders and yanked him backwards.  

He stumbled into someone. Looking up, he saw a face of fury on the face of a familiar brunette. Tai moved him so that he was stood between them.  

“Just back off, alright mate?”  

“What, this your boyfriend?”  

Izzy looked up. Tai’s jaw was set.  

“No? Then how is it any of your business?”  

“How is it your business? Boyfriend or not, you shouldn’t hassle people like that.”  

The bloke narrowed his eyes. “Why don’t we ask him if I was hassling him, rather than you making assumptions?”  

Tai stepped forward, a look on his face that Izzy had seen a handful of times – when they were about to fight. “Why don’t _you_ just _back off_?!”  

His voice echoed over the sound of the music. The force behind it showed exactly why he was the leader of their little troupe. Izzy felt a delicate hand on his arm and snapped out of his trance to see Mimi standing there, concern written across her face.  

“Are you okay?” she whispered into his ear.  

“Yeah, I’m fine.”  

Tai turned as the stranger backed off, his brow crunched and his lips pulled down. His shoulders were back, pushing his chest out in his fury.  

“Did he hurt you?”  

Izzy shook his head.  

“Good. I need a drink. Want one?”  

“Sure.”  

Tai nodded and disappeared towards the bar. Mimi leant close to Izzy, her eyes fixed on Tai.  

“Not going to lie,” she said. “That was kind of hot.”  

“Mimi!”  

“I want a big strong man to fight for my honour.”  

“I can’t believe you just said that.”  

She gave a sly smirk. “Are you saying it wasn’t?”  

Man, bars were particularly hot places.  

Tai returned, settling a drink in front of Izzy, and one in front of Mimi. She began to engage them in a conversation about the dangers of strange men in clubs, but Izzy couldn’t shake off one thing: the intense stare that Tai had locked on him.  

He finally met the brown eyes straight on. “What is it?”  

“Huh?” the boy seemed to snap out of his trance. “Oh. Nothing.”  

“Okay. If you’re sure?”  

A gentle smile. “I’m sure, don’t worry.”  

\-- 

The next week was strange, to say the least. Tai seemed to be around him more, but still the same. But his presence was more. Like he was trying to make people aware he was there with _Izzy_. Similar to how he had done with the man at the bar.  

Izzy tried his best to ignore it. It got to the point where he was ducking out while Tai was at class to visit the library to get some fresh air and escape, and ignoring any messages asking where he was.  

He was on the way home one day when he overheard bickering on the other side of the door.  

 _“No, Mimi, you don’t get it!”_  

He stopped, his hand inches away from the door handle.  

 _“I know that, I know, I just-I can’t help it! I need to know he’s safe.”_  

He dropped his hand and leant forward. Mimi? Was he talking on the phone?  

 _“I don’t want to drive him away, of course not.”_  

Was he talking about…no. Don’t be so self-centred.  

 _“I know. I’m sorry.”_  

Sorry for what? He really felt like he was intruding on something private here.  

 _“I get it, I’ll talk to him about it, just…be patient with me, yeah?”_  

Izzy felt a sickly feeling in his stomach as he listened. He’d heard enough. This, _eavesdropping_ , on his close friend, his roommate, it was wrong. He steeled himself and opened the door, trying to keep a neutral face.  

“I’ve got to go, Izzy just got back,” Tai turned to face the window as he spoke. “Yeah, okay. Love you too. Bye!”  

With the click of a button and the door latching in place, they fell into silence. Izzy tried to keep cool. It wasn’t going overly well but at least he was trying.  

“You heard my conversation, didn’t you?”  

Izzy spluttered. “You haven’t even seen my face, how do you know?”  

Tai chuckled, tossing his phone on the bed and turning. There was a tired smile on his face. “You’re such a nosy bastard. I could guess, but thanks for confirming.”  

Izzy flustered and looked down. “Sorry.”  

“It’s alright. I want to talk to you.”  

“What about?”  

Tai grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t look Izzy in the eyes. “About…how I’ve been. Around you. I wanted to apologise.”  

Izzy was silent. He didn’t know what to say.  

“After the guy at the bar I got really…worried. That something might happen to you. I just don’t know what I’d do if-!” his eyes were wet. His voice was cracking. “If something happened to you. But that’s not an excuse. And I’m sorry.”  

He still didn’t know what to say. Words for forgiveness? An apology for avoiding him? For letting him get away with it?  

“I’m sorry, I’m getting emotional-shit!”  

Izzy stepped forward. Tai looked up. He stepped forward again. And again. He began to walk until he stopped in front of the taller man and-  

His voice box was broken. Or maybe it was his brain. Or both. But his arms weren’t, so he lifted them up and wrapped them round Tai, pulling him in to a tight hug.  

Tai broke down right there. Izzy didn’t know how long they were stood-eventually they moved and sat on the bed, and then at some point lay down so they were side by side with their legs dangling off the edge. He held his roommate until the waterworks stopped. It took a while. It was worth it.  

“Thank you, for worrying,” he finally found his voice. “But I’ll be fine. You know that if anything happened, I’d call you right away.”  

“I know. I was such an idiot.”  

“No. Well, yes, you were, but I forgive you.”  

Tai gave a coarse laugh, pulling back enough to look Izzy in the eyes. “You butt.”  

“Wow, rude.”  

The brunette shuffled, moving so he was eye-level with Izzy, a soft smile playing on his lips. He had a couple of freckles, tiny, nearly invisible. Izzy never noticed.  

“Hey.”  

“Hi.”  

There was a heat settling in the air and on his skin. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it. They were lying facing each other and Izzy could feel the heat radiating off his body and he thought his heart was beating so loudly that Tai might be able to hear it and tell as his brain ran a mile a minute.  

“I’m so lucky that you put up with me,” Tai said.  

“I know. You should count yourself blessed.”  

Tai chuckled again. Izzy licked his lips. “I do. You make the world seem so much lighter.”  

What was he supposed to do?  

There was a knock on the door. Izzy leapt to his feet, racing to answer it and let some air into this stuffy room.  

“Hi!” It was the girl from next door. She hiccupped. “You boys free for some p-a-r-t-y?”  

He could smell the alcohol on her breath. “Are you drunk? Already?”  

She responded with a giggle fit.  

Tai was suddenly behind him, a hand on his shoulder. “Izzy’s never been to one of your parties, and last time I promised him I’d take him.”  

The girl gasped wider and bigger than Izzy thought was really necessary. “Whuaaaaaat?! Oh boy, you got to get your sweet ass in to my room A-S-A-P! And then get absolutely _shitfaced_!”  

“That doesn’t sound like my kind of-!”  

“Woo!” she stumbled away in something that Izzy thought was supposed to resemble a dance. “Part-ey!”  

“No.”  

Tai laughed. “Come on! You don’t know till you try!”  

“There are some things I’d rather not know.”  

“I’m going to quote that to you in the future. When you’re being nosy.”  

Izzy shook his head as he watched another girl enter the room. “Wow that does not look like fun.”  

“You know, for the one who supposedly likes girls as well as boys, you’re surprisingly reluctant to surround yourself by drunk female students.”  

“That sounds very intimidating.”  

“I’ll be there to hold your hand. You know. If you want. I don’t have to if you’d rather I hung back, you don’t have to come at all-!”  

Izzy didn’t think he’d ever seen Tai quite so flustered. In a bout of confidence, he took the tanned hand, checked he had his keys, and started towards the Party Room. The grin that was plastered across Tai’s face was worth it.  

\-- 

His head hurt. His everything hurt. In places it shouldn’t, it hurt. He was fairly certain that he was missing a leg. It didn’t exist anymore. It was gone forever, lost to the deep void of the universe, never to return. Was this a hangover? This was the worst hangover he would ever have to suffer through. No way was this a simple hangover.  

He cracked an eye open. The room was dark. It was empty. The bathroom light was on.  

Maybe if he went back to sleep he could forget the pain and just die peacefully never to experience this hell again.  

Tai appeared in the doorway, turning off the bathroom light. He began shuffling round the room. It was annoying. He heard the brunette swear as he stubbed his toe.  

“You can turn the light on.”  

“You’re awake?”  

“No. This is not awake. This is suffering.”  

Tai laughed. It usually sounded like music. Today it sounded like hell. More hell.  

The light appeared. He was filled with a sense of regret.  

“Morning sleeping beauty.”  

“What time is it?”  

Tai blew a raspberry. “Some time past noon?”  

“Shit.”  

“What?”  

“I had classes today.”  

Tai laughed again. “That’s what your alarm was for. I wondered what woke me up.”  

“My alarm went off?”  

“Yeah. You were a fucking log. There was no moving you.”  

Izzy wondered if he really minded that he missed classes. He decided he didn’t. “I’ll get Kyle to give me his notes.”  

“Good idea. It’s not like you’ve missed classes before.”  

“I thought you were going to hold my hand and keep me safe. What happened to that?”  

“Well…I learnt something about next door last night.”  

Izzy frowned from his hiding space in the blanket. He finally pulled it down, eyes widening at what he saw. “What on earth happened to your torso?!”  

Tai shrugged helplessly. “So, apparently, next door are into drinking games and orgies.”  

His brows shot up. “Those are… _hickeys_?” he looked down at himself. He seemed cleaner. “My word…”  

“It’s okay. I took the bullet for us both.”  

“Are you okay?”  

“I’m fine, there was just this one game where I ended up covered in alcoholic chocolates and shots and-it’s probably not worth getting into. I am fine. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.”  

“Really?”  

“Really. It was hilarious. And surprisingly tickly.”  

“What even happened last night?”  

“I’m not sure about all the details. I have blank spaces. I’m fairly certain there’s a video somewhere if you want to find out?”  

The thought made him want to vomit. “No. Thank you.”  

“Give it like, an hour. It’ll come back to you. Do you want some water?”  

He nodded. Tai disappeared for a moment into the bathroom. There was a knock on the door. Izzy forced himself to stand, answering to a tired looking girl next door. She had a content smile on her face, covered by a dressing gown.  

“Thank you for coming over last night,” she started. “It was really swell of you both. I hope we weren’t too much for you.”  

“No, it’s fine. I don’t really remember much.”  

“I think this belongs to Tai?”  

Izzy’s eyes widened. Tai really did replace the toy. He took it hesitantly, seeing buttons on the thing. He looked at her. A spark appeared in her eyes, and her head started to move rapidly up and down. Izzy pressed one.  

“Cripes it’s powerful!”  

“I want one.”  

Tai appeared, snatching it from Izzy’s hand and replacing it with a glass of water. Georgia began to giggle, waving goodbye and returning to her room. Izzy shut the door, feeling better already.  

“That’s just-nothing to worry about.”  

“Of course.”  

Tai glared. “Oh, shut up.”  

“I can’t wait till I remember what happened.”  

He waggled the toy at Izzy. “The thing to remember is that I won.”  

\-- 

Mimi was visiting again. Apparently on an ‘emergency call’, given that she only told them as she was boarding the plane. Not that either of them minded particularly. It was always nice to see her. But Izzy was kind of worried about what Mimi considered an emergency.  

He discovered very quickly there was valid reason to be worried.  

Tai had gone to soccer practice, and she was on him in seconds.  

“I cannot believe!” she threw her hands in the are. “That you two!” she jabbed her fingers into his chest. “Are still awkwardly dancing around each other! My goodness, what does it take?!”  

“What are you-?!”  

“Don’t even start with that bullshit!” she never looked so frightening. “I know when you’re lying.”  

“Is this your emergency?”  

“I’m so sick and tired of being on skype with you and watching it. It was cute at first. Like a _month ago_ , last time I visited. It’s gone on too long. I feel like my head might explode.”  

“I don’t know what this has to do with you.”  

“I can’t sit by and idly watch anymore. You need an intervention.”  

“An intervention?!”  

“Yeah. And, you know, I missed you guys. But mostly the intervention.”  

Izzy rolled his eyes, trying to brush it off. “You’re being melodramatic. Whatever’s going on between Tai and myself is just going to take its course.”  

“Aha! So you know there’s something going on?!”  

Did he? He supposed he did. There was something…he just didn’t know what. “I guess.”  

“Then why haven’t you done anything about it?”  

“I’m waiting for the right time. I don’t want to…” he trailed off, shuffling his feet. “I don’t want to ruin it.”  

“Sweetie, I’m not sure there’s such a thing as ‘the right time’.”  

Izzy shrugged helplessly. “I’ll think on it.”  

That was all she was going to get out of him on the issue. They went out, exploring the town seeing as it was Izzy’s day off, and when they came home the black curls of the girl next door were in front of his door. She was thrilled to find another girl, asking if they wanted to join the party, promising not to get too wild in front of his lady-friend. Mimi loved the idea. Izzy wrote a note for Tai.  

By the time he arrived, the party was well underway and it was beginning to get dark out. Mimi was fitting in perfectly. Izzy grinned widely as Tai entered the room, and the brown eyes scanned until they locked with his own.  

“You got my note.”  

“Yeah, ‘course. Is Mimi here already?”  

Izzy gestured to where the girl was dancing on the bed and singing awful love songs with the girl next door.  

“She’s having fun.”  

Drinks appeared in front of them both. Tai said thank you and started on his first.  

“How was practice?”  

“Brilliant! I’m excited for our next game. It should be really good. Are you going to come see it?”  

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”  

Tai beamed. “Great!”  

Mimi appeared next, stumbling over to them and throwing herself at Tai in a hug. “Tai! You came back!”  

“You’re drunk.”  

“You’re drunk!” she retorted with a slur. “I just wanted to let you know how much I love you both. I just-I feel like you guys are such a good friends, and I’m so glad you keep me around.”  

“I love you too, Mimi.”  

“I just want you to know,” she swayed to the left. Tai stood her upright. “That I believe in your courage. You have so much. You shouldn’t let it go.”  

“Err, okay.”  

“You should be honest, and open,” she grabbed either side of his face, staring directly into his eyes. “And transparent with your feelings. Always. Every day. Honest. Feelings.”  

Tai’s cheeks began to grow pink. It was kind of entertaining.  

“Tell him.”  

“Mimi, you can stop now, I think I get the message.”  

“Tell him and save me from this torture.”  

“Mimi!” one of the girls the other side of the room saved them. “Body shots!”  

She stood up straight. “Body shots?!”  

“Bring one of your boys! Flat chests!”  

She turned. Her eyes locked with his. Izzy felt a cold dread run down the back of his spine. She grabbed his hand, and with more strength than he ever knew she had, pulled him towards the bed.  

“Mimi, I’m really not certain about this.”  

“Its fun! Let’s have some fun!” she insisted. “It’ll be great.”  

“What exactly am I going to-!”  

“You’ll need to take your shirt off.”  

He was not convinced by this at all. He remembered when Tai woke up with hickeys all over his body. But when he looked over at the brunette, he was watching with a playful smirk on his face. He gave a little wave.  

Damn boy.  

Izzy complied, lying down as he was told, allowing salt to be laid out on his chest, and a shot glass on his belly button.  

“Okay,” Mimi held a slice of lemon above him. “You got to bite down on this, okay? I’ll go first. That way, if you really don’t find it fun, we can stop, yeah?”  

He nodded.  

“Okay.”  

He bit down. She grinned, moving further down. The tongue was weird, running down his chest. He didn’t dare look down. He felt the shot glass lift, drop down and hit his hand, before blonde and pink hair covered his view.  

She bit down on the lemon, taking it from him. As she did he caught some juice at the corner of his mouth.  

There was a cheer. He felt a rush. Maybe it was the alcohol.  

“Okay, okay, next,” Mimi beckoned Tai over. “Come on! Your turn!” she looked back at Izzy. “You do what I did now, okay?”  

“What?!”  

Tai stripped the t-shirt off, lying down obediently. Izzy tried hard not to look at the naked skin as the others set it up, preferring to keep eye contact with Mimi who was whispering words of encouragement. She may have been drunk but she was no fool. 

He moved forward, looking down. Salt – on the toned chest – the shot – tucked safely into the belly button with the smallest amount of hair that began to trail down – and the lemon, between perfectly pink lips that were curved into a smile.  

He felt like he might pass out. Cripes it was hot.  

“Okay,” he sucked in a breath. “First time for everything.”  

He shut his eyes.  

The skin beneath the salt was warm against his tongue. Smooth. The shot was just as unpleasant as he expected. He dropped the shot glass from his mouth and heard it collide with the floor before heading straight up, trying to look at the lemon rather than Tai’s face.  

Tai spat it out at the last second.  

Izzy was moving too fast for his brain to register.  

Their lips met. His eyes were wide. He could feel the tug of a smile at the corners of Tai’s mouth. Was this really happening? He could hear the sound of cheers, but they seemed muffled by the thumping in the back of his head. The softness, the smell, things he had only dreamed of. He had waited for.  

He pulled back as though he had been burnt. He looked down at the other male.  

He turned and left.  

It was too much. His brain wouldn’t stop, yet at the same time it wouldn’t start. Everything was moving yet _nothing was thinking_. He didn’t know how to handle it. Too much was happening in his body all at once.  

He walked out the front door to the building. The fresh air. Maybe that would help. Maybe it would clear his mind, give him a better picture of what was happening. Let his brain work and his heart stop.  

What even was that? Did he do it on purpose? Why did he do it on purpose? Was it Mimi, had she told him to? Or was it something he wanted to do? No, that was too hopeful. Wishful thinking. But what if…?  

He stomped his foot. Never mind. His brain could stop again, that was fine. It was working too hard now.  

Maybe running hadn’t been the best idea. Maybe he should’ve stayed, played it cool, ran with it. Maybe it was mutual and that was his chance and that was the right time and now he’s missed the window and he’s not going to have another one and that’s it he’s fucked up GAME OVER nice try play again later and by later he means never.  

There was the sound of footsteps running towards him. He didn’t stop walking, still too busy focusing on his own feet, his shoelaces tied messily as they moved with the momentum of his walking.  

He felt something hit him in the back. He turned, rubbing his shoulder with a scowl. A shoe.  

He looked up.  

Tai was running towards him, one shoe on, looking a little red in the face. He stopped in his tracks, waiting for the other to catch up. It was a little chilly. Though he supposed it was late at night now, the sun long since set, and he had left his shirt. 

“How do you walk so fucking fast with those tiny legs?”  

Izzy tried to speak. His throat was dry.  

“I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to push my luck too far,” the boy cursed under his breath. “I keep fucking up, huh?”  

“Keep fucking up?”  

“Yeah. With the thing with that guy at the club and now this…” Tai sighed, running a hand through his bushy hair. “I’m not good at this sort of thing.”  

“What sort of thing?”  

The boy’s cheeks darkened and he shifted his gaze away. “You know. This. Romance thing.”  

Izzy felt his heart lift along with his shoulders, completely blown away by how to react. He felt his eyes sting with tears.  

“No-shit-sorry no please don’t-I didn’t mean to assume, I thought you…but if you don’t that’s fine really!”  

“Tai, stop.”  

He snapped his mouth closed.  

“What do you mean by this ‘romance thing’?”  

“I like you. In that way. I thought you liked me too.” 

Izzy felt his cheeks get wet as a sob escaped his throat. He felt so…lifted. So light. He couldn’t believe it. The right time didn’t exist, Mimi was right. Every time was the wrong time and it didn’t matter.  

“Do you need anything?”  

“Yes,” he choked out as a smile began to break forth on his face.  

“What is it?”  

“You.”  

Tai’s depressed concern quickly changed to a beaming grin. He seemed to almost bounce from foot to foot, and Izzy was fairly certain if he had a tail it would fall of from wagging so much.  

He was wrapped in an embrace moments later. Tai scooped him up, spinning him round in a circle with a bout of laughter.  

“I’m sorry I’m just happy.”  

“I am too.”  

“Mimi’s never going to let us live this one down.”  

Izzy felt like his cheeks would start hurting if he didn’t curb this smiling habit. “I don’t care. But I also don’t really feel like facing her right now,” he remembered the amount of people who had just watched his freak out. “Gosh I can’t believe I just bailed like that.”  

Tai chuckled. Izzy felt it in his chest as they hugged. “We don’t have to go back. We can go for a walk, or head back to our room instead if you want?”  

“I’d like that. To head back to our room. Watch a film or something.”  

The brunette raised his brows. “Or something, huh? We best get going then.”  

“You’re a disgrace.”  

He winked. “Perfect for you then, huh?”  

Yes. Yes it was.  

As they got closer to the building, there was the sudden sound of applause from inside the building. He looked up to see the girls hanging out from the window, Mimi at the very front.  

Tai laughed next to him, pulling him in closer. “She is such a meddler.”  

Izzy looked up, only to have Tai capture his lips once again. It was less of a frightening surprise this time. More of a pleasant one.  

“Sorry.”  

“Don’t be,” Izzy whispered. “You can do that as many times as you want.”  

Tai grinned widely, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door. “You’re going to regret saying that."  

\--

There was a banging on the door. Izzy frowned, pulling back from his place on Tai’s chest. Tai pushed himself upright, pressing the spacebar on the wireless keyboard that sat on the bedside table. The party was still going on next door, they could hear it. They certainly weren’t going back however.  

“Tai! Izzy!” it was Mimi’s voice. “Open up!”  

Izzy got out of bed, moving over to let the girl in. She stumbled into the room, shutting the door quickly and giving him a look of terror. “Mimi? Are you alright?”  

“I am not ready for that.”  

Tai began to snigger from the bed.  

“Those girls are wild. They’re too wild.”  

Izzy felt laughter bubbling in his throat. “They can be, yeah.”  

“My goodness. I’ve never sobered up so quickly.”  

“Do you want to watch the film with us? It was Tai’s choice this time. We’re watching Hardcore Henry,” he offered. 

“I didn’t want to intrude on you both, not since...”  

Tai rolled his eyes. “Both of you, get over here. I want to keep watching!”  

She grinned, throwing her arms around Izzy in a big hug and whispering in his ear: “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”  

He returned the hug with equal force.  

The trio managed to collectively snuggle up on the bed together with some poking and elbowing. They settled in before Tai pressed the spacebar again and resumed.  

Izzy was fairly certain he could get used to this kind of life. Moving for university had possibly been one of the best decisions he’d ever made.  


End file.
